I am finally here in my secret getaway place! I arrive yesterday evening and I’m just chillin’ here listening some NuJazz on the DishTV channel trying to make my list so I can head out to the grocery store to get a few items until my Vita Cost order comes in. This trip is about getting clarity and getting myself together, but there are some people in my life that are trying to ruin that for me for their own selfish reasons and I’m just not having this shit! NOT THIS YEAR! My fucking father called me again on New Year’s Day and I told him to basically fuck off and he still doesn’t fucking get it because the dumb ass called me again on Tuesday morning and this morning! Both times I was asleep! SERIOUSLY!! I’ve made it clear that I don’t want him contacting me and now he’s calling me more than ever. I’m seriously about to get my number changed. I heard his messages and he had the AUDACITY to tell me he FORGIVES ME for cursing him out!!!! Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME! He said he was in rehab and that he goes to church every morning to ask GOD to FORGIVE ME! He’s so fucking lucky that I didn’t answer that phone to hear that shit! Can he get run over by a fucking bus already! I swear some people have the fucking nerve!
So get this, On Dec. 30th I was over my mom’s to spend some time with my niece to watch her open the gifts I got her for Christmas. Well we were having a good time and my older brother’s girlfriend was there hanging out with us! She’s real sweet and we were just cracking up. So basically to make a long story short. I found out from her that my father called my mom after our “heartfelt” Christmas call and told her everything. ALL WEEK I spoke to my mom and she never mentioned it to me. Yet she told my brother’s girlfriend about the call and said “What does he expect! He hasn’t been there for them.” So I was livid, but I have to just act like it doesn’t affect me. You would think that MAYBE…. just fucking MAYBE she would have called me right after to check on me to see if I’m ok!! NOPE!! So I asked her about it after everyone left and she said, “Yes he called and I listened and said, ‘Mmm Hmm, Mmm Hmmm, Mmm Hmmm’… he said ‘Bye’ and I said ‘Bye’ and that was it!” She said all of that with no emotion while eating a fruit cup. I asked her if she said anything else and she was like NOPE! So again…. I contained the rage that was swelling up inside before I went off in a psychotic rant. She still didn’t feel the need to ask me “How are you doing?”
Seriously… Is that to much to ask for? It’s not like I’m asking for a fucking iPad or a damn car! I left that night and as soon as I got in the car.. I just burst into tears… actually hoping to run my car into a pole! I just fucking give up on ever believing that I may matter just a tiny bit to her! My mother is there for me when I’m sick and I know she’s tried to do the best that she could in raising 4 kids all on her own! We’re all college educated, no drug addicts or menaces to society! I truly want to believe my mother loves me but it’s times like this that make me wonder…”Do you really care about me?, Do you care ANYTHING for me? I’m drowning emotionally and mentally right in front of you and you CAN’T throw me a life preserver and let me know the I FUCKING MATTER TO YOU!!!!!” As I drove away it was “T” that was there for me to calm me down and make sure that I didn’t wrap my car around a pole. He’s been there to comfort me when everyone else started avoiding me. I know everyone has their own set of issues and life problems but friends are suppose to be there for you. That’s the kind of friend I’ve ALWAYS been… even dealing with my own personal shit! “T” truly means it when hes says call me ANYTIME! I can’t say the same for many people who I thought meant it when they made that same statement. As I was writing this… guess who just called to check up on me? LOL… “T”! I told him his ears must have been burning! He calms me down and I really like that! Ok… I need to go to the store! I’m starving!
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Happy New Year!!!! So 2011 totally sucked and I’ll be damned if I let this year suck too. I was inspired by my friend’s sister to create a list of goals I want to achieve before January 1st, 2013. On her 29th birthday she created a List of 30 things she would do before she turned 30. The last 2 things she completed on her list were: “to go on a cruise” and “to hold a snake”. She’s half way through her list and she has 5 months left until her birthday! Quite impressive! So I decided that this year, 2012, I will complete 52 things that I have NEVER done before!! I’m still in the process of creating my list. I have 20 goals so far and once my list is complete I’ll make a page and post it.
Some of my goals are extremely ambitious, “like learning and performing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata (ALL 3 MOVEMENTS)”!! I am NOT a pianist!!! I can play enough to learn my music and give voice lessons, but I can’t even accompany my students when they sing their piece. I would make too many mistakes which would then mess them up. However, I fell in love with the 3rd movement “Presto agitato” when I heard it years ago on a Beethoven for Babies CD I purchased. Some of my goals, like the one I just mentioned, will take some time for me to work on it before completion. The others, like “visit the White House” won’t require so much work and effort. As I complete each goal I will either take a picture of it or video tape it and write a post about my experience! I can’t wait!!! I’ll keep you posted!
Take care,
Une Belle Noir
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Well today was an unusual Christmas! I spent it today in bed, under the weather!! I was suppose to go to my aunt’s house, but decided not to because I didn’t want to get anyone else sick! So just me… sleeping most of the day away and watching Christmas movies and health documentaries on Netflix! Then what really made the day so special and bright was when I got that wonderful call from my father at 9:37pm wishing me a Merry Christmas. I basically told him where he could shove his Merry “Fucking” Christmas and to leave me the FUCK alone! Hopefully he got the fucking clue and threw himself in front of a bus!! It actually felt good to give him that much needed reality check! This year was not what it was suppose to be, but then again maybe it was exactly what it was suppose to be. I learned that you can’t count on anyone but yourself & I discovered who my true friends are. I also realized that who ever said “Talking about your problems with friends and family is helpful.” LIED!!! Anyway, I’ve reevaluated my so called friendships and have made the necessary changes in my relationships. Merry Christmas!
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NOTE TO SELF: NEVER use a big freaking noodle in between your legs to cycle/water jog 36 laps in 1hr. 42 mins. again!! YES! I’m so happy and proud of my accomplishment because it’s been a while since I did a mile of anything! However, I now have 2 huge welts on my inner thighs that hurt like hell. I hope they heal soon because I have to workout tomorrow. Ok, here’s the breakdown for yesterday and today:
Tuesday April 6th, 2010
Food Journal
1 lb. of strawberries 1/2 c. of Bolthouse Farms Mango 1 c. Bolthouse Farms Green Tea Mango (70) Salad (165): 1 c. baby romaine lettuce (10); 1 c. baby spinach (35); 14 baby carrots (35); 12 grape tomatoes (30); 1 Tbsp. balsamic dressing (55)
Exercise Swimming/Water Jogging: 1/3 of a mile (34 mins. 48 secs.)
Water Weight Training: 25 reps of each Front Raises, Butterflies, Lateral Raises, Back Butterflies, Bicep Curls, Tricep Kickbacks, Rows, Push-Ups, Big Kicks, Cardio Curtsy (25 mins
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Yes, yes, yes!!! I have completed 2 full weeks and 1 day of the Master Cleanser! I have 3 more weeks and 6 days left to go. Thus far, this is the longest I’ve ever lasted on the cleanse. I’m looking forward to when it’s over. Do not think for one second I plan on living on this! The lemonade taste good but it’s not that damn good. After the come off stage I will be starting “The Fat Burning Diet”by Jay Robb, Clinical Nutritionist and Certified Fitness Trainer with over 20 years experience. The program is very good and balanced and I can’t wait to start it. I haven’t been hungry but I have an urge just to chew something. A friend said that I had an oral fixation which could be very true. This has been extremely hard to do and all I can say is I just have to take it has the days go by. Some days are smooth and others are really hard to get through, like today and I can’t turn to what I normall turn too for comfort because I can’t. So trying to deal with days like this have been difficult, but so far so good and I’m still on track. just 1 short month and I will have completed the detox portion of my journey successfully. I start swimming again on Monday when the pool re-opens and I’m excited about that. My weight has been going back and forth the same pound so that’s been annoying me the past few days. I need to increase my water intake because I feel a bit dry if that makes any sense. My tongue looks a hot mess and my sense of smell is too much to handle right now. I will say this, my skin feels and looks so good. Completely soft and smooth and no more dry scalp issues. So, I’m 1/3 through the process and all is good. Take care and happy cleansing. 
Une Belle Noir Fitness, Food, MC Daily Log, My thoughts
Soooo I’m surfing the net today to find healthy recipes for when I do start eating again and I came across this really cool website Good Earth Natural Foods (<- click). First and foremost I’m loving their Calorie Burner Calculator (<- click) better than Calories Per Hour because their results say that I burned 1,504.5 calories from my 75 min. moderate 26 freestlye laps. But besides that, they have a great Reference Library (<- click) where you can:
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Research a health concern that is of interest to you.
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Find information on herbs.
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Find information on supplements.
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Search an index of remedies (drugs) by brand and product names.
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Research drug depletions.
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Read descriptions of alternative modalities, (treatment options).
You should definitely check out the Delicious Living (<- click) section, the have a lot of recipes, most with pictures ( I love pictures) and some very good articles about common health problems like allergies and solutions for them. Just check out the site and go through the different departments listed. Thought I’d share, enjoy!!
Une Belle Noir Fitness, Food, My thoughts
It’s midnight and I just ended Day 10 of the MC. I’m 1 lb. down from yesterday, so I’m pleased. Day 10 was a good day. My eliminations are still frequent even though I have not had any solid subtances in my system. I feel really good. I notice a huge difference in my skin, the texture feels much more smoother. I never really had a blemish or acne problem, but I had a few blackheads and a lot of dry spots and they are completely gone. The coating on my tongue is still a whitish/yellowish color. I got only 3 glasses of the lemonade in today because I started real late. I had my HL tea this morning around like 8 a.m., I think and my SWF around 3ish. I’m about to drink my tea for tonight once I’m done with this entry.
Une Belle Noir MC Daily Log
Recap of Day 9; well it was a little rough yesterday!! Still not on schedule and unable to get all 6 glasses in. I have yet to go swimming this week because I think at this time it would be safer for me to stay home to avoid any form of embarrassment. I’m 1.2 down from Monday and during the eliminations I had a lot of discomfort. The day went well, really didn’t do much of anything. Last night was very interesting. I really had the desire to eat something. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t chewed for the past nine days. I have no clue why I needed to eat. I wasn’t hungry and I wasn’t going through anything emotional. I called one of my BFs and we talked about it, then I started getting emotional for no reason. She made me promise that I wouldn’t give in to the urge, which I knew I wouldn’t because I would have to write about it here and feel real stupid. So I went to make my HL tea and as I waited for it to cool I fell asleep. So, I took it this morning and I’m about to do my SWF after I finish writing this entry. As you can see I’m behind on schedule today. I’ll recap today’s event this evening.
Une Belle Noir MC Daily Log
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