Long time no write…. and I apologize!!! Hopefully I’m forgiven…. A lot has been going on and I’m really trying to focus on ME and what I need to do for ME. I know that may sound selfish, but I can only rely on myself to take care of me. I should start from the beginning because it’s been a little over two weeks!!
First of all, I did a You Tube video update two weeks ago and wasn’t able to upload it then. I did complete the last 10 days of June successfully and decided to come off the cleanse on July 1st. I got off of the cleanse the right way and didn’t experience any discomfort or pain. Why did I decide to not continue? Fear!! Now that I look back on my decision, I realize that I was afraid. I am afraid!!! The weight was coming off too fast, that it scared me. People were noticing the difference and commenting. Yes, it feels great to get the compliments, but a lot of thoughts ran through my mind.. like ” Geez what did they think of me before, or they probably said this about me last yr.” etc… I haven’t share with too many people (that know me) what I’m doing because I just didn’t want to deal with their words and thoughts on my plan. Unfortunately, I do a very good job sometimes of beating myself down that I don’t need any help.
So what have I been doing these past two weeks you ask? What I normally do when I don’t want to deal with a situation! Focus my attention on other things. I have a performance on the 27th and 28th of this month and I have been focusing on that. I need to be completely memorized by rehearsal today and we’ve been working on staging. So I have about 10 days until my performance. I have also been exercising regularly, but not as often as I want. I’ve been doing about 3-4 hours a week. One thing that has been frustrating is I haven’t been able to weigh myself because my scale needs a new battery. I’ve looked everywhere and haven’t been able to find it. A friend of mine suggested that I go to Sears or a Clock store.. So, I’m going to do that today. I know I’ve gained some weight back, I just want to know how much.
The first several days I was good about keeping on track with what I ate but I see old habits creeping back. I’ve been getting this feeling that I should start the cleanse again and not let fear of change alter my decision. Even though weight loss is one of my reasons for doing this cleanse, the main reason is to rid my body of all impurities. I think the reason why it’s getting easier to get back into eating the wrong foods again, is because my body still remembers them, if that makes any sense to anyone. I think I need to do it long enough so that those foods become completely foreign to my body. Also, I need to refocus my attention!! I think I’ll have a better chance at completing this task if I focus on ridding my body of impurities and not what’s on the scale. So if I redirect my energy and thoughts of living healthier and cleaner then I won’t dwell on how this physical change is affecting me. I’ve said this many times before and I’ll say it again…. the mental part of all of this, as you can see, is the most challenging for me. I’ve been able to deal with the salt water flushes, and the the lemonade, and even exercising regularly with no problem. It’s this mental battle within myself that’s getting on my last nerve, you know the kind where you have the devil version of you on one shoulder and the angel version of you on the other. It’s crazy, but that’s life. I’m working on a You Tube video I promise. It’s going to be a slide show of before pics and now pics. Just to show you what to expect below you’ll see a picture of me at 382 lbs. during my birthday celebration last year in May and a picture of me close to 60 lbs. lighter on July 1st this year while I was taking my monthly pics during this journey.
I don’t know why the second pic has all that sparkly stuff on it but I’ll try to fix it when I get in later tonight. This just gives you an idea of the difference from me last year to me at the present moment. I have to go to rehearsal. So, I’ll write again later.
MC Daily Log, My thoughts, Pictures
So here’s the deal I have started the cleanse again since I don’t think it was wise for me to get off of it so fast the second time. This time I will be on it for at least 3 weeks, and that will be the end of that for this season. I’ll start eating more whole foods and cooking more, not sure if I’m going to be a total vegan though. We will see when that time comes. One of my best friends is doing the cleans as well, for 10 days. She’s been on for 2 days and she’s doing well too. I’ll keep you posted on her progress and observations.
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